I go to a ministry school at my church and one of the teachers taught on marriage the other day. We broke out into small groups and in a group of young women I was the only married one. It was one of my favorite small groups! The trend I found as we went around the circle to discuss marriage was that your dreams die when you get married.
Ok that may sound odd coming from a bunch of young women who indeed want to and are looking forward to being a wife someday. Even with those excited expectations of marriage there was still a fear in so many of them that, “my life will end when I get married” we fear having to give up our dreams, the things that are so deeply rooted in our hearts. The things God put there. We think we will always be the ones to sacrifice and that life stops there.
Yes things will change. You can no longer go and do whatever you want, whenever you want.
I am very independent and I remember telling Trevor a few months before our wedding:
“I want to move to Spain! I want to live there for 3 months and learn Spanish more fluently!” As I rambled on about my plans I remember Trevor just looking at me and saying “what about me?”
Oh, yeah… I’ll be married. I’ll have a husband. I can’t just up and leave. Things will be different, but your life will not end. Your dreams don’t culminate as a wife. There is so much more God put in you. But Actually, they will be more powerful with your husband! Things you could never do alone are now possible with him! If God put something so strong on your heart don’t you think he could put it in your husbands heart too? Being married only enriches and enhances these dreams.
My business would not be what it is without the love and unconditional support of Trevor. When we were dating I remember being discouraged coming home from shoots and him just encouraging me. It made all the difference. I needed him to help build my business, even if he was just standing behind me telling me to keep going. Now he works with me and is a support in so many other ways.
It’s not all about you either. Your husband has dreams too. He has these ideas, things he might think are silly. Sometimes the silly ideas make all the difference. Support him! Encourage him! Partner with him!
Marriage is not losing your identity and forsaking all the things you dreamed up while you were single. It’s two individuals with dreams, aspirations, ideas and vision and when both of you come together you can make anything happen!
Your dreams don’t die when you get married. They come alive in incredible ways and part of the adventure is watching it unfold. Together.